To rephrase the content and reflect the feeling includes both the second and third, attempting to understand both sides of his communication and give psychological air.Īll the well-meaning advice in the world won't amount to a hill of beans if we're not addressing the real problem.To reflect feeling involves the right brain, emotional level.It's putting the persons' meaning in your own words. To rephrase the content is more effective, but still limited to the verbal communication.The least effective is to mimic content, which is taught in active or reflective listening - repeating what the person said back to him or her.The skills involve four developmental stages: You will never be able to truly step inside another person and see the world as he sees it until you develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, and the positive emotional bank account as well as the empathic listening skills to do so. They may also be logical, and the language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion. These behaviors are controlling and invasive. Interpret - Explain motives and behavior based on your own motives and behavior. Probe - Ask questions from your own frame of reference.Īdvise - Give counsel based on your own experience. This is a common denominator principle with its greatest power in interpersonal relationships.
Empathetic listening inside out professional#
An amateur sells products, the professional sells solutions. It can be dangerous to prescribe without an accurate diagnosis.Īn effective salesperson seeks to understand the needs, concerns and situation of the customer. In order to have influence, you must be influenced. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to being influenced. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival - to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, and to be appreciated.Įmpathic listening is risky. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air." You must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart.Įmpathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening - empathic listening.Īctive or reflective listening is skill-based and often insults the speaker.Įmpathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person's frame of reference and feelings. When another person is speaking, we usually "listen" at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. People tend to filter the information they receive through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives, or projecting their own home movies onto other people's behavior. Skills of empathic listening must be built on a character that inspires openness and trust and high emotional bank accounts.
Unless people trust you and believe you understand them, they will be too angry, defensive, guilty or afraid to be influenced. Your private performance must square with your public performance. The real key to influence is example - your actual conduct.
We should first take the time to deeply understand the problems presented to us. We often prescribe before making a proper diagnosis when communicating. Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood
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